5 Measures for Healing Hidden Wounds

Black male with painful expression on his face

We’ve all been hurt. Some more deeply than others. And, for some, in a complex and desperate attempt, they seek to protect themselves from the pain of their past. The problem is that in time, when least expected, the strong and secure facade cracks. The hurt begins to ooze out. And, sometimes the pain is too great to bear.

We do not have to go to war to be wounded. Each one of us in some way carries hidden wounds.

Here are some prescriptive measures to begin the healing process.

1. Arm yourself with an attitude.

We do not always have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over what happens in us.  And what happens in us is far more important than what happens to us.

A crippled boy, selling pots and pans from door to door, had a lady say to him, “Being crippled must color your life.”  He said, “Yes ma’am, it does.  But I choose the color.”

2. Forgive the offender.

Forgiveness releases our pain.  A failure to forgive makes one a hostage to their own hate.  We don’t hold a grudge as much as the grudge holds us.  Bitterness becomes like a cancer eating away at our insides.  Resentment is like taking hot coals in our hands.

3. Let go of the past.

It is often said, “What’s done is done.  You can’t relive the past.” While we can’t relive the past, we often recall it and replay it and rehearse it. What we need to do is release it.

In his book, Lee: The Last Years, Charles Bracelen Flood reports that after the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old oak tree in front of her house.  There she bitterly cried that its limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire.  She looked to Lee for a word condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss.

After a brief silence, Lee said, “Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it.”

Lee knew that it is better to let go of the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain. Let bitterness take root and it will poison the rest of one’s life.

4. Face the future.

We stop living in denial, pretending it doesn’t hurt.  We stop trying to fake it, pretending it doesn’t exist. When we focus on the future, the hurts from the past will fade away, because there is a universal law that goes into operation. It states: When we focus on one thing it tends to cause us to forget something else.  The key to letting go is refocusing.

5. Learn to love.

Medical doctor Bernie Siegel said, “I am convinced that unconditional love is the most powerful known stimulant of the immune system.  If I told patients to raise their blood levels or immune globulins or killer T cells, no one would know how.  But if I teach them to love themselves and others fully, the same changes happen automatically.  The truth is love heals. . . . Remember I said love heals.  I do not claim love cures everything, but it can heal and in the process of healing cures occur also.”

Practice these steps and in time your hidden wounds will begin to heal.

My book 1 Corinthians 13: The Excellence of Love provides helpful insight to learning to love. Here are the links to the eBook: amazon; barnes and noble; google.

About Rick Ezell

I am a husband, father, pastor, and writer. This blog is about shaping character, transforming church, and impacting culture. I believe that if one defines their moments then their moments will determine their character and their character will influence their world. I write on personal development, church leadership, and our changing culture. I also write about the resources I am developing and the books I am writing. My goal is to create challenging, relevant, and inspiring content that will help you be a better person, the church be a better parish, and the world a better place. If you are interested in those things, this blog is for you. I have served the church my entire career as a student minister and senior pastor. I studied at Samford University, Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and Northern Baptist Theological Seminary (eventually I will get it). I have written eight books. My most recent ones are Chapter 13: The Excellence of Love and Soul Therapy: The Healing Words of Psalm 23. Both are available as eBooks. I have written over 1000 articles for various local, regional, and national publications. I have been married to Cindy for thirty-three years. We have one wonderful daughter. We live in Greenville, SC. In my free time, I enjoy writing, reading, running, tennis, and golf. You can contact me via email or follow me on Twitter or Facebook. This is my personal blog. The opinions I express here do not necessarily represent those of my employer. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, correctness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.
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