What to do when you are lonely

Every week people go to work surrounded by people. Unbeknownst to many, they are dealing with loneliness. They might cover it over with busyness, jokes, activity, and work, but hiding beneath the surface is the monster of loneliness.

Loneliness is the most desolate word in the world. It’s no one’s friend but everyone’s acquaintance. Loneliness eats at one’s inside, bringing a vacuum of emptiness. It causes a gnawing hunger of wanting to belong, to be understood, and to be loved.

Max Lucado defined loneliness as “not the absence of faces. It is the absence of intimacy. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone; it comes from feeling alone.”

Americans are lonely. Health insurer Cigna’s 2018 US Loneliness Index found that 46% of Americans report feeling lonely sometimes or always, and 47% report feeling left out sometimes or always. A little less, 43 % report feeling isolated from others, and the same number report feeling they lack companionship and their relationships lack meaning. 

Putting those statistics into perspective, look at the person next to you: Statistically, one of you is lonely. Now, if almost 50% of the US population suffered from the flu, we would call that a pandemic. Loneliness in America is a pandemic with the health consequences of the flu.

Researchers contend that social isolation and loneliness may represent a more significant public health hazard than obesity. Some researchers argue that loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Other studies reveal that loneliness is involved in everything from depression, alcoholism, strokes, decreased immune system, and early death.

If you are feeling the pangs of loneliness, let me offer you a few suggestions to deal with loneliness. In my work as a workplace chaplain, I’ve found the following actions invaluable in helping people deal with loneliness.

Socially—Invest in a few high priority relationships. You don’t need a lot of close connections to overcome loneliness, but you do need a few contacts. I call these folks your “2 am friends.” People you can call in the middle of the night, and they will come to your aid. Focus on quality over quantity. Make it several, so you are not always leaning on the same person.

Physically—Practice continuous self-care. Loneliness causes you to withdraw from others and to ignore your physical self. When lonely, the tendency is not to eat healthily, exercise correctly, or sleep adequately. Refuse to do this. Find a buddy or a partner, someone that will hold you accountable to stay physically healthy.

Mentally—Engage your mind. Stimulate your mind. Find outlets from reading to studying to discussion groups that will keep you mentally alert.

Vocationally—Utilize your time. When lonely, resist the temptation to do nothing. Loneliness tends to paralyze you if you sit around and do nothing. Do you realize that many great works have been accomplished in the lonely moments of life because that person utilized their time? Paul Bunyan wrote Pilgrim’s Progress while in a prison cell. Beethoven and Mozart wrote many of their great musical pieces while fighting off periods of intense loneliness. Abraham Lincoln experienced loneliness as President, but led America through a bleak period in its history, emerging as one of the great presidents of all time.

Emotionally—Minimize the hurt. Loneliness is painful. It’s often brought on by rejection from people closest to you. People who once accepted you, but now have rejected you. Sometimes loneliness rears its ugly head because of circumstances, often beyond your control, others that blindside you, others that you know are coming—like death—but there’s so little you can do to prepare for it. What do you do then? Refuse to dwell on the hurt. Don’t allow loneliness to make you bitter or allow resentment to build up in your life.

Relationally—Focus on other people’s needs. When lonely, it’s easy to focus on your needs. Instead of looking at yourself, look to others. Look for ways to help, to serve, to give to others. Volunteer in a worthy cause. Serve in a homeless shelter. Visit people in nursing homes. 

Personally—Learn to enjoy your own company. Boredom adds weight to loneliness. I define boredom as the inability to have fun with yourself. It’s not true that you can only be happy if you’re with others. There’s a lot of worth to enjoying your own company. Experiment with ways of having a good time alone. Walk in a park, create something, exercise, take a day trip, treat yourself to your favorite meal, visit a museum. Find a hobby.

Spiritually—Keep your soul intact. Scripture reading and devotional literature are a great source of strength and comfort when dealing with loneliness. When reading the Bible, take special note of the Psalms. David, the author of many of the Psalms, had bouts of loneliness. His meditations can help you.

The monster of loneliness does not have to win. Take the proactive steps today to destroy the beast and get on with your life. If your company has a workplace chaplain, seek him or her out to talk about this matter. Visit with your pastor or see a counselor. Take action today.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

8 Ways to Practice Servant Leadership

Robert Greenleaf, in the early 70s, coined the term servant leader. He wrote, “The servant-leader is servant first. It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. The best test is: do those served grow as persons: do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?”

Max De Pree, the long-time CEO of Herman Miller, echoed a similar thought in his book Leadership Is an Art, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant and a debtor. That sums up the progress of an artful leader.”

In a world that values authority, position, and power, servant leadership turns those values on its head. It’s a radical and revolutionary concept. But, it’s an invaluable asset in leading and managing others.

I came to understand this concept early in life. My Daddy owned a shoe store. His core business was to meet the needs of others through selling shoes. And, he did a pretty good job of it. I remember many a day arriving at the store with him and having to weave our way through thirty or forty women waiting to get in to purchase shoes.

When I was in graduate school and needing work, it only made sense for me to work in a shoe store. Whereas my Daddy’s store sold shoes off the rack, my new place of employment was the high-end shoe store where the salesperson measured, retrieved, and fitted the customer with the right shoes.

I learned some invaluable lessons from my shoe clerking days about servant leadership.

  • Act in humility.

As a shoe clerk, I knelt before the customer, took off their shoes, measured their feet, retrieved shoes, and placed them on their feet. It was an act of humility.

It’s worth remembering the root of the word humility is humus, meaning dirt or soil. Humility is not thinking lowly of ourselves but thinking accurately of ourselves. It doesn’t mean we are dirt; it means we get down on the dirt.

The servant-leader humbles themselves in spite of their positional role. Some leaders often think their position gives them a vaulted authority and higher right. Often this action produces negative consequences because the leader has assumed the responsibility that is not given. They have usurped their boundaries because of a title. Instead, the position a true servant leader is not first but last, not demanding authority but humbling themselves before others. The servant-leader knows titles, degrees, and jobs are meaningless without an attitude of grace and actions that assist others. The servant leader doesn’t wear a title to show who’s in charge, doesn’t think he’s or she’s better than everyone else.

  • Lead with others in mind.

As a shoe clerk, the customer came first. I was to fit them with the shoes they wanted or needed, regardless of my likes or tastes.

The servant leader’s motivation is love for others. Love always puts the needs of others ahead of your own. The leader displays this love through time spent in knowing and responding to the needs of others. Sacrifices of time, money, and prestige are made because of their passion for the people in their care. This love distinguishes genuine leaders.

  • Listen to people.

As a shoe clerk, I listened to what the customer wanted. Dress or casual or play shoes? Then, I retrieved the right size and color. Once the shoe was on the feet, I felt the foot to see if the shoes fit correctly. I instructed the customer to walk in the new shoes, as I observed the fit. 

Servant leaders listen receptively and nonjudgmentally. They listen because they genuinely want to learn from other people—and to understand the people they serve. They listen deeply. Servant leaders seek first to understand and then to be understood. This discernment enables the servant leader to know when their service is needed. One of the critical traits of a servant leader is listening not only to the words but to the heart.

  • Affirm others.

Once the shoes were on the feet of the customer, I affirmed their selection, providing the appropriate compliments and encouragement.

A hallmark of servant leadership is affirmation. Instead of trying to catch someone doing something wrong, servant leaders look for what people are doing right and tell them. They appreciate them. Most people long to be recognized. And, words of encouragement, coming from a leader, can produce powerful and productive goodwill.

  • Treat everyone with respect.

I, the shoe clerk, treated every customer with respect and dignity, regardless of age, appearance, or aptitude.

No matter age, status, popularity, or seniority, the servant leader responds to all with the same level of admiration and decorum. They make time for others. They allow for interruptions. They value people. They treat all with dignity.

  • Mentor others in their development.

When the shoe store hired new employees, it became my responsibility to train and to equip the new hire in the art of attending to the customers’ needs in the shoe purchasing process.

The servant-leader teaches, trains, and coaches others. They show others how to lead through serving. They provide opportunities for personal growth. Leaders use all situations to teach, train, and mentor people to maturity.

  • Cultivate a culture of trust.

I learned quickly in my shoe selling days that I would benefit greatly from returning customers and their referrals. Therefore, through my expertise, kindness, respect, and grace, I sought to build a culture of trust. In time, my customers returned to purchase more shoes and recommended my services to friends and family.

Trust is a needed trait in businesses. Establishing a trusting atmosphere enables the company to move forward. Part of this comes as leaders are faithful to the task and responsibilities assigned to them.

  • Care for others.

As a shoe clerk, I wanted to meet the needs of the customer and for them to have a positive buying experience. I cared for them.

We’ve all heard the famous quote, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Being knowledgeable does not make a good leader; being caring does. Author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek said, “Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge.” Servant leaders display kindness and concern for others. As the term servant leadership implies, servant leaders are to serve, not to be served. Servant leaders genuinely care for the people they serve. And, when the leader takes care of his people, they will take care of the customers.

Successful leaders maintain a servant’s heart and thus encourage their people to do the same. Imagine what your business’s culture would look like if you and all of your team become servant leaders. What impact would this have on your customers’ experiences? Only good can come from you showing your people what it means to serve first. I challenge you to explore ways to foster servant leadership in your leadership style and among your team as well.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Service Leads to Blessing

For Jesus, service was not a peripheral issue, not just a neon sign splashing half-truth in a window of self-indulgence. When it came to service, he meant business. Near the end of his ministry, James and John asked to sit in positions of power and authority.  Jesus responded to all twelve disciples: “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-44 ESV). The pagans measured greatness by how much power and authority a person has.  But it shall not be so among you.  If you want to great in the Kingdom of God, you must be the servant of all.

Jesus’ radical statement was revolutionary because it turned the world’s completely upside down. The world measures greatness in terms of size, power, and authority. God measured it in terms of service. 

As though his statement about radical serving was not enough, Jesus modeled servanthood. The night before his Crucifixion, he gathered with his disciples for the Passover Meal. During the meal, as the twelve disciples lounged on cushions around the low table, Jesus stood up, took off his cloak, and tied up his long gown with a towel. He poured water into a basin and washed the disciples’ feet and dry them with the towel. When he finished, he put his cloak back on and sat down at his place. He told them that he had set an example that they should do as he had done for them.

The disciples clearly would have seen what he meant. He had acted out for them a fundamental truth of Christianity. The job of washing feet was filthy. People didn’t bathe very often. They wore no shoes or only sandals. People’s feet were dirty and smelly, and it was a demeaning job to have to wash them. The task became the responsibility of the lowliest servant in the household.

Jesus voluntarily took the lowly position, the position of lowest status and prestige. He put aside his due rank and privilege and became the lowly one.

The late Dawson Trotman, the founder of The Navigators, visited Taiwan on one of his overseas trips.  During the visit, he hiked with a Taiwanese pastor back into one of the mountain villages to meet with some of the national Christians.  The roads and trails were wet, and their shoes became very muddy.  Later, someone asked this Taiwanese pastor what he remembered most about Dawson Trotman.  Without hesitation, the man replied, “He cleaned my shoes.”

How surprised this humble national pastor must have been to arise the next morning and to realize that the Christian leader from America had risen before him and cleaned the mud from his shoes.  Such a spirit of servanthood marked Dawson Trotman throughout his Christian life. 

Service, in the vocabulary of the world, is often synonymous with duty, a necessary chore. And to many in our hypersensitive society, the label servant is offensive. To them, it would mean belonging to a lower class of people. They would think it demeaned their status in life, marked them as “common people.” And, consequently, avoided at all costs.

Don’t avoid service; embrace it. Service is an act of worship. We often refer to a worship service. And in business, we speak of customer service. This fact is no accident.

Serving people is not dissimilar than what happens in a worship service. People get down on their knees. Jesus said right after he washed the disciples’ feet, “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:17 ESV). Interestingly, the Hebrew word for blessing is the same as the word for knee: berech. Because going down on your knee is a way of serving. It should not be considered a menial or degrading gesture. Instead, it is one to take joy in because we know we are serving another of God’s children. The result is a blessing or favor from God.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Why We Should Pray

Prayer is the indispensable and vital function of a leader. No aspect of leadership is more essential and crucial to the growth and health of the organization than spending time with God. We are never taller than when we are on our knees. We are never stronger than when we are confessing our weaknesses. We are never bolder in public than when we are quiet before God in private. Those individuals that have been mightily used by God, have been great men and women of prayer.

Prayer brings God to us. Prayer reminds us that we need God more than he needs us. The essence of prayer is to join God, not God joining us. We ask what is on God’s heart rather than telling God what is on our hearts. Prayer is the lifeline that saves the drowning soul. Prayer is the umbilical cord that provides nourishment to the starving spirit. Prayer is the channel by which God’s life-giving presence flows to us.

St. Augustine, the early church father and theologian, described prayer as like a man in a hapless boat who throws a rope at a rock. The rock provides the needed security and stability and life for the helpless man. When the rock is lassoed, it’s not the man pulling the rock to the boat (though it may appear that way); it is the pulling of the boat to the rock. Jesus is the rock, and we throw the rope through prayer.

Prayer changes us. The early disciples were once timid and afraid, hiding and secretive, embarrassed and ashamed. But when they prayed for boldness and power in public ministry, God changed them. He transformed wimps (weak, ineffectual, and insipid persons) into warriors (bold, courageous, and powerful people).

Richard Foster wrote, “To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives. The closer we come to the heartbeat of God, the more we see our need and the more we desire to be conformed to Christ.”

Don’t pray unless you want to change. Don’t pray unless you want to be propelled to action. Don’t pray unless you want to move on the offensive. Don’t pray unless you want to go to war. And, when you go to war, you need power.

Prayer unleashes the power of God. Prayer is the most powerful weapon in the leader’s arsenal. Is it any wonder that the Evil One seeks valiantly to keep Christ followers from praying? When we don’t pray, Satan has won the battle. But when we pray, the power of God is unleashed.

The power is felt on the human front. Sidlow Baxter wrote, “Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers.” The power is felt on the spiritual front. Samuel Chadwick said, “The one concern of the devil is to keep saints from prayer. He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.”

Prayer equips us for battle. The battle of Christian leadership is for the hearts of men and women. God needs us on the front lines telling others about him. The war is won in the trenches of men and women’s will. Prayer equips us for that engagement.

How foolish one would be, to go to battle without proper preparation, training, and equipment. How foolish are we, to go to spiritual battles without prayer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

When Your Gas Tank Is Empty

Whenever I drive my car on empty, certain feelings are always present. I become stressed. While on the outside, I’m calm; on the inside, my stomach is churning. My palms become sweaty. Tension rises like a thermometer on a hot sultry August afternoon. I fret. Driving, which often is pleasurable, becomes laborious. I fail to notice beautiful surroundings. I focus only on the needle and how many miles I’ve traveled since the needle ventured into the dangerous area of red. I become fearful of running out of gas miles from the nearest service station. Silently I berate myself. “How could you let this happen? Why do you always do this? When are you ever going to learn?”

Spiritually, I occasionally run on empty, too. I feel like the Psalmist who wrote, “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1 NIV). During those times, I have no energy to engage in ministry. I find no enjoyment in reading the Bible. I have little peace and contentment. My empty spiritual tank is an invitation to disaster, like a car out of gas, I cough and sputter and pull over to the shoulder, out of service, unable to go any farther.

Spiritual emptiness is one of the most serious threats to Christian health. I can overcome spiritual emptiness by adhering to some basic soul and body maintenance practices.

Receive spiritual nourishment. Someone has said that if the intake does not exceed the output, then the upkeep will be one’s downfall. It is a spiritual law that the one who gives out much, must also take in much.      

Spiritual undernourishment can be covered up—for a while, but like a car that is not kept in running order, eventually disaster strikes.

The antidote to spiritual undernourishment is a consistent time alone with God—a deliberate time of personal nourishment with God through the Bible and prayer. 

The regular quiet time during Jesus’ ministry was a source of spiritual refueling and refreshment. Jesus was never too busy for it; in fact, when his ministry was the busiest, that’s when he made certain that he kept in daily touch with the Father.

Engage your spiritual gifts in service. A car will rust out faster sitting idly in the driveway than by being run every day. Likewise, believers in Christ have been endowed and equipped to serve. We will “dry rot” and “rust out” quicker than when engaged in ministry.

The antidote to my idleness is to give myself away in service and to disburse my gifts in ministry. For every quiet time, I need a “try it” time. A “try it” time is putting my faith into action.

Avoid over commitment. In the Christian life, over commitment is a condition of spiritual overstrains. At times, too much of a good thing can be damaging, like too much oil for the car. This condition is often expressed through the poor theology, “The devil never takes a day off, so why should I?” But, who said we were supposed to be like the devil?

If one is spiritually empty due to spiritual overstrain, it would not make sense to prescribe for that person to pray more, study the Bible longer, and attend more meetings.  This would be the same as advising a diabetic to eat more sweets. Or to think that if a small amount of fertilizer is good for the lawn, then a larger amount could only be better.

When I am spiritually empty due to spiritual overstrain, I limit my devotional time to a minimum, abstain from reading religious books, and step back from congregational activities for a while. I limit my spiritual disciplines until the appetite for spiritual things is aroused again. And you know what? It eventually returns.  

Replenish your physical and spiritual resources. A disregard of my physical body will affect my psychological health and cause spiritual drought. The bow that is always bent, will eventually break. Even the fine-tuned cars that race in the Indianapolis 500 need pit stops. We cannot separate body and soul. They are linked together. To ignore the body, will reap serious consequences on the soul, with an inevitable result of spiritual emptiness.

That is why God commanded us to have a day of rest. The antidote for physical overwork is a Sabbath—the times of personal and spiritual replenishment that renew our spirit, soul, and body.

The Christian life is not like a drag race. It is more like a cross-country road race. And to survive for the long haul, we need to constantly and consistently engage in those activities that keep the body, mind, and soul running in top condition.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Why We Need Rest

Rest and relaxation are not optional. Rest was never meant to be a luxury, but a necessity for growth, maturity, and health. Rest is so important that God included it in the Ten Commandments. We do not rest because our work is done; we rest because God commanded it and created us to have a need for it. The Sabbath was made for man because God knows that our physical, emotional, and spiritual well being demands periodic breaks. The old proverb is true, “If you don’t come apart, you will come apart.”

The Sabbath reminds us that life has a rhythm. When you listen to an orchestra, all the parts work together in harmony. The music has balance and rhythm. Without rhythm, the music is awkward and out of sync. It just doesn’t flow right.

Have you ever felt as if your life isn’t flowing right, as if you’ve lost the rhythm? To have rhythm in your life, four ingredients are necessary: rest, worship, play, and work. Too many of us change and reverse these ingredients and end up with work, work, work, and perhaps a little play. Gordon Dahl wrote, “Most middle-class Americans tend to worship their work, to work at their play, and to play at their worship. As a result, their meanings and values are distorted. Their relationships disintegrate faster than they can keep them in repair, and their lifestyles resemble a cast of characters in search of a plot.” Or to keep with our metaphor, their lifestyles resemble a song in dire need of rhythm.

The Sabbath renews our reverence of God. “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Ex. 20:8 NIV). “And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy” (Gen. 2:3 NIV). The Sabbath is a holy day because it is God’s.

This usually raises some questions like these: “Does that mean it’s all right to watch television on Sunday? Is it all right to go to a ballgame on Sunday? Can we eat out, read the newspaper, play softball, or go grocery shopping on Sunday?” Those are good questions. The only thing wrong with them is that you have asked the wrong person. It’s not my day. It’s the Lord’s Day. Ask him, “Lord, how can I honor you on this day?

The word holy literally means set apart. Let me encourage you to set apart one day a week as a Sabbath to reverence God and rest your bodies. When you do, you not only gain a physical and emotional benefit, but a spiritual benefit as well.

The Sabbath renews our reliance on God. The Sabbath is a testimony of trust. Perhaps one reason we hurry so much, has little to do with poor time management or economic necessity, as much as it does with faith in God. Perhaps we simply do not believe that God will be true to his word. Perhaps we are not confident that God will take care of our needs.

There’s the story of the two birds perched high above a busy city watching all the people busily scurrying from one activity to another. The Robin said to the Sparrow, “Why do those humans scurry to and fro?” “Perhaps,” said the Sparrow, “they do not realize they have a heavenly Father like ours that cares for them so.”

The Sabbath restores our souls. Do you remember snow days? As a child, when it snowed, you would get up in the morning and immediately turn on the radio to see if school was going to be closed, and when it was canceled, you rejoiced. You had a free day, completely unplanned, in which you could do anything you wanted. It was a gift.

We need to create our own snow days, or at least some snow time. We need blocks of time on a regular basis to recharge our souls, or as the Africans would say, to let our souls catch up with our bodies, in order to remain free of burnout and breakdown. That time, that snow day, is the Sabbath.

The Sabbath is a day of remembrance. The Sabbath is more than simply resting our bodies. It’s greater than merely restoring our souls. It’s higher than recharging our minds. The Sabbath is foremost a day of remembering God’s role in our lives. Remembering, worshipping, and resting are acts of contemplation. Yet in the midst of our busyness, we are starved for contemplation. We need that time to remember what God has done for us in our lives. First and foremost, the price he paid for our salvation, and then every good and perfect gift that comes from the Father. Let’s remember him.

Rest is not just a psychological convenience; it is a spiritual and biological necessity. “Remember the Sabbath” is more than simply a lifestyle suggestion. It is a commandment, an ethical precept as serious as prohibitions against killing, stealing, and lying. To forget it is dangerous—personally, morally, and socially.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Truth

We are not very good at telling the truth. Diogenes would have a tough time in America today. The legendary Greek who sought for an honest man would be hard pressed to find many.

One survey revealed that 30% of those consulted admitted that they would cheat on their taxes—to a point. The assumption is, a huge lie is more likely to be audited than a small one. That same survey reported that 64% agreed with the statement, “I will lie when it suits me, so long as it doesn’t cause any real damage.” Another survey indicated that about one out of three people admits to deceiving a best friend about something, within the last year. And nearly half predict that if they scratched another car in the parking lot, they would drive away without leaving a note.”

Pollster George Gallup Jr., writing in The People’s Religion: American Faith in the 90s, finds that most people who consider themselves religious do not see truth as a high priority. He states, “While religion is highly popular in America, it is to a large extent superficial. [There is] a ‘knowledge gap’ between American’s stated faith and the lack of the most basic knowledge about that faith.”

How can we hope to tell the truth today?

Pursue the truth.

Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32 NIV). We must comprehend through diligent study and earnest prayer what God has graciously revealed in Scripture. Too many people give false testimony against God himself through ignorance of the Bible.

We must fill our minds with the truth of Scripture. We live in a culture that adheres to relativism, subjectivism, and pragmatism. We must make a concentrated effort to resist these influences by allowing our minds to be transformed by the truth of God’s Word. As we study and meditate on the riches of God’s revealed truth, we will know instinctively truth from error.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn was right when he observed, “Many of you have already found out, and others will find out in the course of their lives, that truth eludes us if we do not concentrate with total attention on its pursuit.”

Speak the truth.

The apostle Paul exhorted, “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor” (Eph. 4:25 NIV). I would encourage you to make the following commitment, “From this day forward, with the help of God, I will speak only the truth, always and in every situation, for the rest of my life.” Such a commitment will inevitably improve our relationship with God and with everyone else.

Examine your heart. Ask some tough questions. Am I being completely honest with my spouse and children? Are my relationships marked by candor? Am I honest in my dealings in my business, at school, with friends?

Practice the truth.

If we are to proclaim truth, we must live truthfully; otherwise we are merely hypocrites.

Let’s take a test. Does my walk match my talk? Do people know me as an honest and trustworthy person? Can I be counted on? Do people trust me? Do I tell the truth, always?

As you read the poem, “The Question,” answer the single question it asks.

Were the whole world good as you—not an atom better—

Were it just as pure and true,

Just as pure and true as you;

Just as strong in faith and works;

Just as free from crafty quirks;

All extortion, all deceit;

Schemes its neighbors to defeat;

Schemes its neighbors to defraud;

Schemes some culprit to applaud—

Would this world be better?

If the whole world followed you—followed to the letter—

Would it be a nobler world,

All deceit and falsehood hurled

From it altogether;

Malice, selfishness, and lust,

Banished from beneath the crust,

Covering human hearts from view—

Tell me, if it followed you, Would the world be better?

Ralph Waldo Emerson was correct: “The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Lust: The Deadly Second Look

David was king of Israel. He wrote many of the Psalms. As a devout Jew, he was a person of faith and character. But one spring night, he became careless and curious. He should have been out with his men fighting a war, but instead, he takes a stroll on the roof of the palace. And down below, he sees a beautiful woman bathing. He glances, and then he stares. This is a beautiful woman he thinks to himself. His thoughts are not innocent. He desires her; he craves her. He is alone; and he is lonely. He finds out about her. He sends for her. He seduces her. He wanted what he wanted, and being king, of course, he could get it. And he got it. Eventually, he has his lover’s husband killed to cover up his sin. And, to add to the ugliness of this picture, the baby she conceives dies.

What’s wrong with this picture? David was in the wrong place. He should have been leading his men on the battlefront. Instead he relaxed at the palace with time on his hands. He was alone. He lacked the emotional support he needed to keep his hormones in check. He allowed his mind to wander. He was thinking impure thoughts. He lounges, then he lingers, then he lusts.

Lust reaps its greatest havoc on our lives when we are in a tempting place, when our mind is not guarded, when we choose to face life alone, and when we are spiritually distant from God.

Lust is a craving, a yearning, a longing, and a passion. Lust, according to The American Heritage Dictionary, “is a sexual craving, especially when excessive; to have an inordinate desire, especially a sexual desire.”1 While we most often think of lust involving sex, it is not limited to that domain. We can lust for power, for a car, for a house, or for children.

Lust always starts in the mind. Adultery starts in the head, before the bed. First, Satan gets our attention. Then, he engages our feelings resulting in action. Once something has our attention, then it is easier to get our feelings. And once our feelings are engaged, then it is easier for our actions to follow.

I recently shopped for a new car. Each time I visited a car dealership, the salesperson encouraged me, “Go ahead. Take it for a test drive.” He wanted to engage my emotions and my feelings with the smell of the new car and the feel of the drive. And once something or someone has my feelings, then it is easier for my actions to follow. Satan knows that.

This is what happened to David when he seduced Bathsheba. He was out for a walk. He looked. Then he looked again. It has been said, “You can’t help the first look, but you can avoid the second look that becomes lust.” The woman got David’s attention. Then, lust got his feelings. The second look created the desire. And once his feelings kicked in, he was easy prey for temptation.

Lust gives no thought to the consequences, no consideration of what might lay ahead, simply the thrill of a particular moment’s challenge.

Have you noticed that we lust for or lust after? Lust, then, always involves objects. At its most basic level, it is a preoccupation with objects of our desire. We lust after or for something or someone, not with something or someone. Lust reduces the other person to a non-person. Lust accepts any partner for a momentary service. It has nothing to give. It has nothing to ask. It reduces everything to a mere object, one to be acquired, then discarded when it’s used up.

Lust treats people like football players treat a football. That ball is cradled and cuddled. Players will risk life and limb to protect the ball when their team has it on offense. But once the football crosses the goal line and a touchdown is scored, then it is thrown, pounded, and spun on the ground. Then, the player will dance around and mock it. Finally, it is ignored. Its purpose has been served. It was merely an object used to accomplish a goal.

If you have been the object of someone’s lust, you know how demeaning it feels.

Lust is deadly. Oh, surely not, you say. But think about it. Where do promiscuity, rape, incest, pornography, prostitution, adultery, many unhappy marriages, and a lot of divorces come from, if not from lust? And to add to its destruction, it causes bitterness, guilt, disillusionment, and strained relationships. Its consequences are mental, social, vocational, and spiritual heartbreak.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrate Together

We were born to celebrate. God never intended for fun and laughter to be crowded out of our lives. God’s kingdom, according to Jesus, is like a wedding reception where he wants his friends to celebrate with him as though he were the bridegroom. God’s church is the ultimate party place—a place of rejoicing, celebration, and laughter. It is a foretaste of what is to come in heaven.

We have a God that celebrates. Celebration is at the heart of God himself. We will never understand the significance of celebration in human life until we understand its importance to God. I suspect that most of us seriously underestimate God’s capacity for celebration.

And God’s intent was that his creation—you and me—would mirror his celebration. We should be his biggest fans. We are the recipients of grace, the receivers of love, the beneficiary of hope. We’re convinced that Jesus is the Messiah. We’re expectant of his return. We’re changed men and women.

What happens when we celebrate?

God is encountered.

This is the element of worship. Worship is not a weekly pep talk to encourage the team to win the game. Worship doesn’t have to be the Christian alternative to a Saturday night rock concert, and it isn’t defined as a 45-minute lecture on biblical truths. Worship occurs when people who have fallen in love with the God of the universe meet him. When we encounter God, we can’t help but celebrate, for we’ll see God as he is and we’ll understand who we are. Then our worship becomes celebration.

Joy is expressed.

As products of God’s creation, creatures made in his image, we are to reflect God’s fierce joy in life. That is why the Bible speaks not just about our need for joy in general but a particular kind of joy that characterizes God. Celebration is felt when we express the “joy, joy, joy, joy down in our hearts.” Lewis Smedes put it this way: “To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence. C. S. Lewis said, “Joy is the serious business of heaven.” The apostle Paul wrote, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice” (Phil. 4:4 NIV). The Bible puts joy in the non-optional category. Joy is a command. Biblical scholar William Barclay said, “A gloomy Christian is a contradiction in terms.” Joy is the outward expression of the inward knowledge that God has everything under control. Joy is the flag that flies above the castle of our hearts, announcing that the King is in residence. Joy is the knowledge that the game is not over. The final outcome is that because of Christ, we win. This infectious joy convinces a watching world that Christianity is real and that Christ can transform a life—no matter what the circumstances.

Lives are intertwined.

A McDonald’s commercial shows a man sitting alone in his kitchen pretending someone over a loud speaker is asking for any millionaires. The man raises his hand and gets all giddy and excited because he’s won a million dollars. It’s a cute commercial, but it misses a very important point. Celebration, whether it’s winning a lottery, receiving a big promotion, or becoming a Christian, is best done in community. There’s a relational aspect to celebration. It’s most meaningful when lives are intertwined and connected. Church can be the ultimate place of celebration with others. Through our corporate services and small groups, we provide a place where celebration can be shared among friends with a common cause..

The Special Olympics features mentally and physically disabled athletes from around the world. One of the most memorable events that happened during the Special Olympics was a foot race among a group of people with Down syndrome. The runners were close together as they came around the track toward the finish line. One of them stumbled and fell. When that happened, the rest of the runners stopped. They went back as a group, helped the runner who had fallen to stand up, and then all ran across the finish line together. Once across, they hugged and congratulated each other for finishing the race.

I can think of no better picture of authentic community than that. A place where people who are disabled by sin help each other stand up, link arms, and celebrate the finished race together.

That’s who we are as a church. We are a community of believers who have come together to worship the living God. We are a celebrating community. If we don’t celebrate, we have missed the heart of Christianity. And when we do celebrate those outside walls cannot help but want to be inside the walls.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Unity Matters

On the last night of his life, Jesus prayed a prayer that stands as a citadel for all Christians: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. . . . I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:20-21, 23 NIV).

How precious are these words. Knowing the end was near, Jesus prayed one final time for his followers. Striking, isn’t it? With death breathing down his neck, Jesus prayed not for their success, their safety, or their happiness. He prayed for their unity, as they would fulfill his purpose. He prayed that they would love each other, as they went forward to love the world to him. He prayed for his disciples and for all those who would come to faith in Jesus Christ, becoming his followers. That means you and me. In his last prayer Jesus prayed that you and I be one.

Of all the lessons we can draw from these verses, don’t miss the most important: Unity matters to God. The Father does not want his kids to squabble. Disunity disturbs him. Why? Because “all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35 NIV). Unity creates belief. How will the world believe that God sent Jesus? Not if we agree with each other. Not if we solve every controversy. Not if we are unanimous on each vote. Not if we never make a doctrinal error. But if we love each other.

If unity creates belief, then disunity fosters disbelief. How can the world come to believe the gospel if those who already believe it are battling among themselves? When the world sees Catholics and Protestants dueling over power and territory in Northern Ireland, or young and old members of the same congregation dueling over worship styles, or a church splitting over the color of the new carpet, it says, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Disunity is not merely a scandal for unbelievers; it is also a stumbling block for them coming to faith. Paul Billheimer may very well be right when he says: “The continuous and widespread fragmentation of the Church has been the scandal of the ages. It has been Satan’s master strategy. The sin of disunity probably has caused more souls to be lost than all other sins combined.”

Could it be that unity is the key to reaching the world for Christ?

If unity is the key to fulfilling the God-ordained purpose of spreading the message of Jesus Christ, shouldn’t it have precedence in our churches? If unity matters to God, then shouldn’t unity matter to us? If unity is a priority in heaven, then shouldn’t it be a priority on earth?

Nowhere, by the way, are we told to build unity. We are instructed simply to keep unity. From God’s perspective there is but “one flock and one shepherd” (John 10:16 NIV). Unity does not need to be created; it simply needs to be protected.

How do we do that? How do we make every effort to keep the unity? Does that mean we compromise our convictions? No. Does that mean we abandon the truths we cherish? No. But it does mean we look long and hard at the attitudes we carry. Unity doesn’t begin in examining others but in examining self. Unity begins, not in demanding that others change, but in admitting that we aren’t prefect ourselves. Unity grows as we learn to accept others differences and to forgive when wronged. Unity continues as we humbly serve those who are different. Unity is favored as we loving take the message of Jesus Christ to a divided world. Unity is fulfilled as focus on who we believe in rather what we believe in.

I’m reminded of a statement by E. Stanley Jones. “Talk about what you believe and you have disunity. Talk about who you believe in and you have unity.”

May I urge you to focus on Jesus.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment